Say it with me now: A-N-X-I-E-T-Y! Probably 5 years ago or so, it was still something we didn't talk about as much. Admitting you had anxiety either made you attention seeking or there was something wrong with you. I'll admit, there are A LOT of people out there who try to make their stress about getting ready for work after waking up 45 minutes late into having clinical anxiety. Yeah, that's not it. Sadly, there are a lot of people NOW that are trying to make anxiety seem like the "cool" thing to have.
You know what's not cool? Staying in bed all day because the idea of going outside and having to even bear a smile at a stranger is exhausting.
You would rather leave the store empty handed because even trying to work up the courage results in your stomach contents trying to empty themselves. Have you ever been sitting on the couch having a semi-good day and all of a sudden you start hyperventilating, crying and going numb for what seems like absolutely no reason? Well, these are all things that have happened to be on numerous occasions.
Anxiety.org describes clinical anxiety as when "your fear or worry does not go away and can get worse over time. It can influence your life to the extent that it can interfere with daily activities like school, work and/or relationships." And within the concept of anxiety, the types are panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, specific phobias and generalized anxiety disorder. I want to touch on each of these, specifically how it relates to my life.
Panic disorder: Earlier, I mentioned hyperventilating and all that jazz for no reason. What I described was a panic attack but what causes it to be panic disorder is when the action come at random, ie. no real reason. It comes with all the goodies: sweating, chest pain, palpitations, hyperventilating, etc. You get the idea, its not fun. The worst is when it happens in public. I want to touch on when I first started getting panic attacks. I knew I had a few before I really realized. I always thought I was having an asthma issue. It wasn't until one day in dance practice, my brain felt like complete mush due to my fibromyalgia which then led to a full blown panic attack in my car with tears, screaming and hyperventilating. This was actually the episode that landed me with a psychiatrist.
Social anxiety disorder: This brings me back to the point of wanting to avoid people. This is something I have struggled with so much and still do. Some days are definitely better than others but being an overall introvert doesn't help. Yes, I will go to social situations but if I'm not with a friend, you'll find me by myself just being awkward and avoiding talking to people I don't know. The thought of having to do so often leaves me sweating and shaking.
Specific phobias: Most of us know what a phobia is, the extreme or irrational fear of something. What makes a fear a phobia is that the fear actually causes you to avoid situations so you don't have to face it. Did you know I have a fear of the ocean? I'll admit, it's gotten better over time but I once went years without going in. My biggest issue was more-so the darkness and unknown which is actually called Thalassophobia. Yes, I can travel on a boat but I won't go in a kayak that's close to the water. I went in the oceans in Hawaii because the crystal clear water gave me comfort in seeing my surroundings. But I have straight up not gone to beach events due to knowing I'd be the only one not in the water. The idea would bring a blanket of fear over my entire body causing me to shutdown.
Generalized anxiety disorder: This isn't too hard to understand as it basically means the excessive and unrealistic worry and tension with no given reason. And BINGO! You guessed it! I have this too.
So what exactly does this mean? It means that most days, it's like I'm tiptoeing around myself, making sure I don't set off an episode. Now, it may seem that I can't even live my life. Well, for a while, being "normal" was extremely difficult but I hit it pretty well. I would have to put on a smile and face the public every day whether it be for work or school. But at night, you could find me sitting on the shower floor, hot water flowing over me as I cried until the water went ice cold. Why? Hell if I know. It just goes to show how fucked up your brain can make you feel.
Now, it's been about 1.5 years since I was prescribed Zoloft for my anxiety and depression (that's a story for another day). After consulting with a psychiatrist, they put me on 50mg. After a few months, it was wearing fast and I would go through withdrawals within 12 hours so my doctor put me on 100mg which I'm currently on. Wanna know the best part about it? I haven't had a real panic attack since I first started. A handful of times, I came close but was able to calm down which I never could before.
Now, I still struggle with a lot of my social anxiety. But the amount of times I can actually willingly speak to a stranger has risen along with loosing the feeling of wanting to vomit up my morning coffee and coconut yogurt. I also can't just go up and talk to someone (whether it be an employee in a store or for a work reason) if they don't don't look open to it. I can NEVER force myself upon anyone no matter the reasoning and if I'm forced to for whatever reason, I'll most likely shut down for a good while afterwards while I mentally recover.
We shouldn't feel ashamed for having anxiety and we should let others that are around us often know about it. Let them help you or at least let them understand. Those close to me know not to pressure me or know what's going on if I start acting weird.
Please don't confuse stress with having an actual anxiety disorder. But if you think you do, please please please seek medical help. I'm sorry but meditation doesn't do shit for a chemical imbalance in your brain. Actually balancing those chemicals out is what helps. But listening to your favorite vinyl albums while sipping a glass of wine doesn't hurt either.
You can learn more about how to get help for anxiety from the American Psychiatric Association here.